New microwave boasts over 50 new features for you to never use

Researchers at the Samsung corporation have today proudly announced a groundbreaking enhancement in microwave technology, stating they are excited to release the feature so they can start seeing customers ignoring it in favor of just using the time setting button again for the 2000th time.

“From now on, by simply pressing the manual setting button, then selecting ‘rice’ then selecting ‘brown rice’ then entering the weight and any toppings, users will be able to get the perfectly heated curry without drying out their meal,” explained head researcher Brad Maple. “Which of course none of them will ever do because they will simply set it to ‘2 minutes’ and hope for the best.”

Asked whether they have yet implemented the one feature everybody has actually been asking for, researchers say the technology unfortunately still just isn’t there to introduce a ‘silent mode’ on microwaves. “Unfortunately despite 50 years of intensive innovation, that’s just not a breakthrough we’re capable of yet,” explained Dr Maple. “Being able to instantly cook food using electromagnetic waves is one thing, but having a button that stops your machine screaming at 2am is little more than science fiction as far as I’m concerned.”

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