Opposition leader Peter Dutton has taken time out of his busy schedule of drowning kittens to today clarify that he is not racist, and that he just doesn’t choose not to be white.
“Yes I boycotted the apology to the stolen generation,” shrugged Dutton. “But who knew back in the ancient age of 2007 that taking children from their parents was wrong?”
“The important this is that I no longer hold those views,” he continued. “Now on to my second topic of discussion – how Aboriginal people don’t deserve a voice.”
Dutton also went to great lengths to point out that his xenophobic image is just a product of a smear campaign orchestrated by a dark cabal of boom mic operators.
“I don’t understand where did people even got the idea I was racist in the first place?” asked Dutton. “I think it must have been a rumour started by those dastardly African Gangs.”
“They’re behind everything wrong in this world.”