Scenes of chaos have emerged at a local pool today, after local child Zac Wakely took more than 3 minutes to finish his cup of hot chips, rendering it dangerously structurally unsound.
Engineers on the scene have advised Zac not to move a muscle, lest the floor of the Hot Tasty Chips packaging cave in entirely, sending the chips to their untimely death.
Authorities at the local pool have since stepped in to deploy a second cup, to re-enforce the first, however it is only a matter of time before the vinegar drenched chips render that cup equally as dangerous.
Witnesses have questioned the motives of the pool kiosk, asking why in the world they thought using paper containers at a venue known primarily for its large amount of water was a good idea.
Pool authorities have responded that they simply enjoy traumatising children.