A local man with 100% English heritage has today proudly taken part in his first St Patrick’s Day charade.

“To be sher, tis a fine St Paddys Dey, innit?” asked Tim to confused onlookers in what he thinks is an Irish accent. “Now hoo about we all goo git som haggis?”

Asked how exactly he is claiming Irish ancestry given both his parents emigrated from Shropshire in the 80s, Tim explained that he knows he has some Irish roots due to his natural love of Guinness, as well as the green shirt handed down to him from his father’s side of the family.

However, when pressed Tim admitted that much like his love of the troops of ANZAC day, and his firm allyship of the gay community during Mardi Gras, his celebration of St Patricks day is mostly just linked to getting completely sloshed in public.

“Yea look to be honest, I just needed a reason to finally wear this green shirt”, explained Tim sheepishly “I can only really wear it today, otherwise people think I’m running for office”. Witnesses say that the shirt has about 3 hours use left in it, before it returns to its 364 days of hibernation in the cupboard, alongside the pumpkin themed Halloween mug and the ugly Christmas sweater that is worn for about 2 hours every December before the summer heat renders it a health hazard.