The Woolworths corporation has this week announced that it has seen the effect its high prices have had on struggling families, and it will be cracking down on these pests immediately.
“If you want to eat, go somewhere else you vermin,” explained Woolworth’s CEO today while installing laser guided missiles in store. “As punishment for your indiscretions all cheese now costs $50, and the trolleys will electroshock you if you dare complain.”
“Unfortunately we only made $907 million in profits this quarter,” explained a Woolworths representative in between scoops of caviar. “With such meagre income we can barely afford to feed our children truffles.”
However, some have suggested that a better solution than trying to use technology to punish the poor, would be for Woolworths to simply stop price gouging. “On its face it seems the poor are stealing because of high interest rates and high food prices,” explained one economist. “Now those interest rates are going up because people are spending too much money, and people are spending too much because prices are too high. So there’s a very simple solution staring us in the face here. We must kill the poor.”