Family files for bankruptcy after purchasing three items from Woolworths

A family in rural Australia has filed for bankruptcy this week, after making the fateful decision to purchase loaf of bread, a carton of milk, and a whole lettuce from their local Woolworths.

According to the family’s lawyer, the cost of these items was so exorbitant that it completely drained their bank account and left them with no choice but to declare bankruptcy. “Look I know we might have splurged a bit on the lettuce,” said the family’s patriarch Dennis. “But I really wanted my kids to experience what fresh vegetables taste like before the combination of inflation and floods make them luxuries only kings can afford.”

In the aftermath of their bankruptcy filing, the family has been forced to resort to extreme measures in order to feed themselves. “We’ve been reduced to eating Black and Gold Wheat Biscuits for breakfast, and buying Aldi brand ‘Top Tap’ bread,” said the father. “I hate it. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to console myself by eating a whole block of Cabderies chocolate.”

Despite the challenges they now face, the family remains optimistic. “On the upside, at least we won’t have to set foot in Woolworths again,” said the mother. “If I had to listen to one more Michael Bublé Christmas song I think my head would explode.”

In a statement to the press, a spokesperson for Woolworths defended the company’s recent price hikes in the wake of billion dollar profits. “People are far too entitled these days,” the spokesperson said. “If you can’t afford to buy food, maybe you shouldn’t be eating in the first place.”

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