In a shocking revelation, a group of self-proclaimed patriots have declared that drag is un-American. “The founding fathers would not have stood for this” raged one man. “Those guys wouldn’t be seen dead in stockings, high heels, wigs and makeup.”
However, some have suggested that America’s founders actually have a lot in common with drag queens, and they likely would have bonded over their shared love of spilling tea.
“Freedom of expression is not what this country stands for,” raged one individual from Tennessee. “We believe in rigid conformity and men dressing like men. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go blast 80s hair metal from my truck.”
Conservative Christian leaders agreed, stating that they simply cannot support a man with long hair and a long flowing dress. “These people are out there indoctrinating our children with their beliefs by reading books to them every Sunday,” said one local priest. “Wait no sorry, that’s us. Scrap that complaint.”
Meanwhile Republicans have moved numerous bills to outlaw any man who wears coloured makeup on their face and wears extravagant hair while performing for crowds on stage, putting to end Donald Trump’s hopes of any future comeback.