Conservatives across Australia have today momentarily paused their campaign against drag queens reading books to children, to praise a man who got up every Sunday to put on a dress and read fiction to children.
“George was not afforded the presumption of innocence, and it was wrong to accuse him of crimes that we can never prove,” tweeted one conservative politician today. “Now anyway, as I was saying before George died, my gut tells me all drag queens are child molesters and therefore they should all be locked up just to be safe.”
Asked whether it isn’t a bit hypocritical to praise a man who was instrumental in covering up rampant sexual abuse of minors by his colleagues, while also making the exact same accusation against the whole LGBT community, conservatives explained that George’s case is different as there are hundreds of real witnesses, which automatically makes him a victim of cancel culture and therefore innocent.
“Look, just because I’ve spent the last five years shamelessly accusing Hilary Clinton of running child trafficking rings out of a pizza shop, and making baseless claims that trans people are all groomers, that doesn’t mean I don’t have a high bar when it comes to accusing someone of child abuse,” explained one Daily Telegraph columnist. “That bar being specifically whether the person is for or against climate change. After all, who has ever heard of a conservative old man secretly being a pervert? That would be completely unprecedented.”