MEDIA GUIDE: how to write about the Middle East without using any of the actual terms

This newsletter is brought to you by the country that shall not be named, doing actions that shall not be named in the Middle East.


Following the tragic events of the last week, many journalists have been left confused about what terminology to use and avoid depending on who you are talking about.

For starters, make sure you never use the word ‘invasion’ to describe what is happening in Lebanon. Sure sending troops on the ground makes it sound like an invasion, but just like all the times that America invaded countries in the 2000s, this is actually a liberation.

Instead of ‘invasion’ use ‘limited operations’ to describe the attacks on multiple countries.

Although if you think that sounds too combative, you can instead use phrases like ‘gather rounds’, ‘military play dates’ or a ‘mass kerfuffle’

Secondly, always make sure to call terrorists sending bombs as ‘bombings’, because that is the word that describes sending bombs. However, when Israel sends them they are ‘targeted strikes’.

Also, make sure that if/when Israeli bombs kill children, to go back and edit in the word ‘alleged’ before any mention of Israel. Even if the IDF says it was them.

If anyone criticises you, the government, the police, or the Israeli government; just stay calm, and be ready to call them a terrorist lover who is a ‘threat to social cohesion’.

You’ve had a lot of practice when avoiding using the word ‘genocide’ in Palestine, so I am sure you can handle writing like this too. Remember when in doubt, just grab out a thesaurus.

Maybe one day, you can do what you became a journalist to do: win an award for an article where you said nothing of substance.

Yours,

John Delmenico

Professor of Journalisming

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