It’s time to invade America

Dear readers,

This may seem like a controversial stance, but it is time for the civilised world to liberate the United States of America and it’s people.

That backwards ‘nation’ does not respect any of the values we hold dear. They loudly declare their racist views and desperation to control women. Unlike Australia, where our leaders are slightly more subtle about it.

Their healthcare system is like something from a slapstick comedy and their schools have more shootings than books. How can we as global citizens, sit back and allow this to continue?

Their government has been spying on other nations, meddling in their electoral processes. While also making theirs as confusing and inaccessible as humanly possible. No one knows how their elections work, but we should show them how an actual democracy does it.

All the way down to the sausage sizzle.

Their leaders are known weapons dealers, granting genocidal regimes around the world the ability to slaughter innocent civilians. Stockpiling weapons of mass destruction and painfully bad late night tv shows, some of which are illegal to show to prisoners under international torture laws.

Their leaders have been having secret and not-so-secret meetings with Vladimir Putin. While also writing love letters to Kim Jong-Un, presumably while laying on a bed kicking their feet up in the air and twirling their hair.

They can’t write the letters while sitting on the couch because JD Vance left it sticky.

Plus, most importantly, as is a requirement for all freedom fighting, that nation has a shit ton of oil.

Yours,

John Delmenico

Commander of the Keyboard Warrior division

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