Imagine how sad we’d be without taxpayer funded Royal trips

This newsletter is brought to you by the Royal Family Trust… I mean taxpayers.


Good tidings fellow Australians,

What a giddy day for the country, as the incredible King Charles the Third has decided to grace us, the mere common folk, with his presence. Thanks to us paying for his trip.

But also his love of the dear country he calls, ‘the convict one’.

One thing that I ask of the traitorous scum who think that our great colony should become independent of the Commonwealth and the rule of our great King, is simply where is your king’s trip?

If there is one thing all Australians love, it is self-serving pageantry. You know, the events that make you say ‘wow they really think they are better than everyone else’.

As a republic, the person in charge being here would lose the grandeur since they would actually live here. What is more exciting, when your roommate comes home or when a visitor from out of town comes for a cup of coffee then demands you dance for them while kissing their feet and makes you pay for the entire trip?

Plus a republic king’s family wouldn’t have the same privileges. We would lose the excitement of having a Prince William or a Prince Andrew who are one or two disasters away from ruling over us.

When you look around the country at this very point in time, can you possibly think of a better use of taxpayer money or the time of our politicians than holding a lovely multi-day extravaganza for our rich rulers to galavant around?

These trips show that as members of the commonwealth, we hold a special place in the Royal Family’s heart. I mean just look at what has happened in America since they became a republic, the Royals only visit them about as much as they visit us.

Come now fellow subjects, let’s make them feel welcome in this nation they own. Don your finest Royal Merchandise, stand outside for hours hoping the king waves at us and make a good use of this taxpayer money.

Yours,

John Delmenico

Editor of The Chaser (dictating this silly Australian outlet from the UK)

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