Editorial Statement: Goodbye America

This newsletter is brought to you by Jeff Bezos, who we endorse for president (after we were purchased by the Washington Post)


With the American election just days away, we felt that it was important for us to make a statement as the most trusted news outlet.

So our message to American voters is clear: goodbye!

We were hoping that you would make the obvious decision, but considering your education standards, it doesn’t surprise us that you will ultimately end up failing this basic history lesson.

You do still have a chance to not completely fuck up your country, but decision making isn’t really your strong suit. Just look at your gun policies, or how long James Corden got to host a tv show.

We understand and accept that America approaches politics like how the messy friend in the group chat approaches situationships.

But like with that friend, we can’t sit by while you get back with your toxic ex who doesn’t care about you or keep his hands to himself.

Clearly this where we must say goodbye. We want to abort our friendship with your country now, before the Republicans ban us from being able to do so.

We obviously are not including the Australian government in this though, they will continue to do whatever your president says, licking your boots cleaner than a Qantas chairman’s lounge.

Don’t be sad America, you’ve had a good… well not good… you’ve had a run. But now you are going to fuck it up.

We would like to ask if you can give us back the Hemsworths and Margot Robbie first though. But if it makes you feel better, you can keep Mel Gibson.

We think he fits your current vibe well.

Goodbye and good luck,

The Chaser Editorial

(We’re like the Onion but less respected or popular)


Issue 300 – 300 issues too many

What a historic week for our nation,

The Chaser Weakly newsletter has turned 300, the largest milestone this glorious outlet has ever reached. Beating our previous record of 299 issues.

This is not just an achievement for our writers, who soon may be allowed to leave the basement to see their families, but for you reading this. See you are smart enough to subscribe to such an important newsletter.

A newsletter that stands out from our competition in the email you sometimes read but mainly clogs up your inbox space.

As we are the only one to not have a bunch of unrelated ads. Partially because we know you are here for us, but mainly because we are considered a ‘brand risk’ to advertisers.

The only newsletter that can’t be written by ai, because robots are way better at spelling than us.

The only newsletter willing to take a stance against being daily, because that sounds like way too much work.

Our readership spans the world over from Sydney, to Melbourne, Geelong, to Freemantle, and even bot farms in America. Everyone is enthusiastic to go ‘oh’ when they see us in their inbox, then read our editorial opinion while taking a shit or distracting themselves at work.

Like all newsroom editorial teams, we are truly humbled by your ability to understand the excellence of our editors.

So thank you,

John Delmenico

Editor of The Chaser

(But on a real note, genuinely thank you for reading us for this long, we do appreciate you all. If you want to support us by donating or buying some merchandise you can, but don’t have to. This will remain free, it’s just how we pay our writers.)

If you are reading this on our website, you are missing exclusive jokes we don’t publish anywhere else. So subscribe to The Chaser Weakly Newsletter either on the sidebar next to this or on the homepage.

More Newsletters