Doubts over council’s claim ‘monster’ magpie was lone swooper

The so-called ‘Windsor Road Monster’ magpie of north west Sydney, recently terminated by Hills District Council due to a spate of viscous attacks, may actually be part of a larger network of native birds that pose a significant threat to Australia’s way of life.

“These magpies are urban terrorists, plain and simple,” said  Dudley Bronte-Harrington, the head of right wing thinktank ConPol.

“We’ve been studying them for years now and have observed their systemic and repeated anti-social behaviour, which despite repeated conciliatory gestures they have failed to stop.”

“Every springtime sleeper cells activate across Australia, looking to wreak havoc on everyday people going about their business. Cyclists, joggers, posties, little kids with blonde hair that looks like straw – nobody is safe.”

Bronte-Harrington is calling for increased funding for police and protective services to continue weeding out known problem birds, while also calling for tougher penalties for individuals that aid and assist magpies and their broods.

“You’re either with us or you’re with these two-winged freaks,” he said.

The Anti-Expert’s Guide to Everything – 2020 National Tour

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