Local pet python Carlos has decided to let his owner Trent Smith live another day

"It took the kids five fucking years to stop singing the last song. Elsa's got a lot to answer for."

"It’s trending every night, for better or worse, and we could only dream of that kind of popularity in an election year.”

“Sean’s unique life experiences will really add to the show,” said executive producer Aaron Jones, “as well as cutting down on camera and travel costs.” "Some people may argue his inclusion is an insult to the sanctity of marriage - and indeed the common good of all humanity - but hey, so is this whole fucking show."

A grumpy Queanbeyan man has passed away while double-checking the inventory log on a warehouse computer system. The man "died doing what he hated most."

The answer is almost certainly yes

According to an unnamed source, the corpse was dressed in a faded, bloodstained red-and-white jumper, wearing round-rimmed glasses, and buried with a cane

The news is a relief for his campaign team after a weekend stuff-up where he seemingly failed to arrive at his own rally. According to sources, Shorten was actually present at the event, and even went on stage, but nobody realised that he was the Labor Party's leader

"Isn't there a six and out option?"

Now you can not afford to buy a house by less than ever before!