Elf on the Shelf detained by Australian Border Force
"As well as his undocumented arrivals and departures, we suspect this guy is one of the chief lieutenants in an international smuggling network ran by a wanted figure with known links to occultism and unregulated sweatshop labour.”
Applicant inspired by rejection letter
"Second comes right after first."
CEO given massive bonus for not sending company bankrupt
Blair’s bonus is valued at $1.4 million, or 25 per cent of his base pay. On top of this amount, Blair can also expect a 5 per cent Bonus Delivery Bonus
Local man spends entire conversation trying to remember other person’s name
"I know it started with an A... or an F"
Q&A celebrates ten years of achieving not that much
"The only real highlights have been when somebody threw their shoes at John Howard and the time we featured a tweet from an account called @Abbottlovesanal."
Owners of Big Banana disappointed it hasn’t been named as a terror target
"What's the Taj Mahal got that we don't?"
Police give up: crime investigations to be done only by podcast hosts from now on
The police force announced today that it had decided to give up trying to work out who committed all the unsolved murders and robberies, and instead rely on investigations by the hosts of true crime podcasts to solve crime
Guy at school reunion remembers way too much
"Lee was pretty quiet at school," said reunion organiser Anna Aprile. "Which made it kinda creepy that he could describe all the different outfits I wore."
Murdoch launches bid for under-9s netball team
"He's always been known to attack his goals... this is just the first time it's been an actual Goal Attack."
Parents take up hallucinogens after discussing drugs with son
"Turns out he had a lot of good points that we hadn't considered."