The world’s most famous disappearing man, the Amazing Scott Morrison, has today calmed frantic shoppers desperately trying to ensure the health of their loved ones, by announcing that he will be putting Gerry Harvey’s interests over those of the public.
“I’m sorry, but I wasn’t elected into this job to administer the public good and to just spend tax dollars in a way that makes everyone’s lives better,” explained Morrison. “No, we can’t waste valuable tax money on the public when it could be going to Rupert Murdoch.”
“The fact is you people have got to stop expecting to be given everything for free,” explained the man who gets free flights, car, accomodation, food, internet, phones, magazines, printers, computers, gardener, chefs and a personal assistant. “You people should be more personally responsible, like I am.”
“Besides, I’ve already spent all the budget on 5 new carparks,” continued Morrison. “Those kinds of thing are vital during a pandemic.”