Former Prime Minister and onion enthusiast Tony Abbott has today kicked off his first day of social distancing by dusting off the old morse-code box and tapping out a communication to staffers.
“Ah this is more like it!” said Abbott with what could be either a smile or a grimace, “Good clean traditional communication, now quick somebody get me some leeches and mercury so I can ward off this virus.”
However, Abbott has since been informed that there is no need to work from home, as people just naturally try to distance themselves from him anyway. “Yea if anyone’s safe from this virus it’s Tony,” explained the Nation’s Chief Medical Officer. “Turns out the best cure for the spread of this virus is onion breath.”
If you enjoyed this article, consider becoming a contributor to the Chaser Beer Fund. For just $7 a month you can help us employ 20 more interns.