The Federal government has today stepped up to the plate and taken action in the fight against Covid, by releasing an ad shaming people who can’t get a vaccine for not getting vaccinated.
“What’s wrong with you people!” raged a furious Scott Morrison. “First you complain there’s no vaccines, now you’re refusing to listen when we tell you to get vaccinated!? What’s next! Honestly it makes me wonder why I even bothered making an ad for you all.”
However, other members of the federal government have taken a different, more understanding approach, with Minister Peter Dutton instead choosing to blame the whole of Sydney for the recent Covid outbreak. “If you plebs had just been more careful not to go near the infectious people coming out of my shambolic quarantine system, then we wouldn’t be in this mess!” hissed Dutton. “God, I told you hotel quarantine was 99% effective and for some reason you all thought I meant that was safe! That’s one in a hundred people slipping through with Covid! You should have all been cowering in your homes with those kind of stats. Idiots.”
However, some have suggested that in fact the failing might lie with the Federal government, whose bungling of quarantine, vaccines and jobkeeper might actually be the cause of every single problem we’re facing. “Don’t be ridiculous,” said the Deputy Prime Minister who was busy organising a leadership spill while the Covid outbreak was unfolding. “I assure you Scott Morrison was extremely focused on these pressing issues while he was sitting in that English pub. In fact he’s been so hunkered down focusing on work nobody’s seen him in weeks. That’s how dedicated the man is.”