Prime Minister Scott Morrison has today offered the Auditor General Grant Hehir a free pool with a side of womens toilet upgrades if he agrees to stop telling people that the Prime Minister was involved with handing out illegal grants in order to pork barrel electorates.
“This is a great day for the Auditor’s Office,” announced Morrison on ABC’s 7:30 today. “No longer will the Auditor’s secretary be forced to change behind a tree or a car when she goes to use their brand new state of the art swimming pool with heated Jacuzzis and a waterslide.”
However, this attempt to bribe the Auditor General has already backfired, with the Auditor General’s office immediately opening a new investigation into the bribery attempt. Experts say that if proven, this attempt to bribe a government official could result in the Morrison Government being handed the harshest possible punishment – a firm speaking to and a request not to do it again.
Correction: Large portions of this story alleging government corruption were incorrect. We now retract this entire story and thank the Morrison government for the new pool.