Rebels bikie gang announce plan to hit net-zero emissions by 2035

Concerns over a conflict of interest in the top tiers of the Rebels Biker gang have emerged this week, following revelations that former President Dean Martin had been in a secret relationship with the Greens’ Lidia Thorpe.

“I’m not suggesting any impropriety,” said one member of the gang’s upper executive. “But it certainly does raise questions when we shifted from beating up people for gambling debts to producing ethical fair trade carob brownies at local farmers markets within weeks of this secret relationship taking place.”

“Yea look, I’m sure it’s just a coincidence,” said one local biker knitting a woolen cosie for a termite ravaged tree. “Honestly we’ve been talking about reducing our bike’s emissions for months. Just because we’re anti-social ruffians who deal in blood money doesn’t mean we’re not also concerned about the impending destruction of the environment. Can’t collect protection money if the species has been wiped off the face of the earth, now can we?”


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