Former Liberal minister Peter Reith has this week passed away, in what many are alleging was the result of Peter being thrown into the sea. While not backed up by any evidence or on the scene accounts, representatives for Peter said that disinterested parties making up spurious claims about him during his hour of need is exactly what Peter would have wanted.

“Peter always loved spreading lies about the downtrodden,” explained close friend John Howard. “It was his favorite pastime, right after drowning puppies and stealing candy from children. You’ll have to just take my word on those.”

Peter, however has already run into problems in the afterlife, after discovering God has a pretty strong “no making up lies about refugee mothers trying to find a home” policy given his mum Mary’s experiences. “I will decide who gets into heaven, and the circumstances in which they come,” explained God. “Unfortunately Peter didn’t file any paperwork before arriving, so I’m reincarnating him on Nauru until he learns his lesson.”