Local One Nation voter Darren Datsun has today reacted with shock and horror at the discovery that he is still poor and unemployed despite no new immigrants coming into the country for months.
“I don’t get it?” said Darren, scratching his head. “The politicians always told me that if immigration didn’t happen then I would magically become rich and attractive and that my wife would like me again. But ever since immigration dried up all that’s happened is I can’t seem to catch a taxi. This isn’t how it was supposed to be.”
Darren isn’t the only one to be suffering due to the reduction in immigration, with Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton also struggling to excuse his incompetence without foreigners to blame. “Oh god where am I going to lay the blame for this house I forgot to declare now!?” said a panicked Dutton upon realising that his African Gangs excuse would no longer work. “God, if this holds up much longer I might actually have to do something to improve the lives of Australians instead of just blaming all their misfortunes on some overseas boogeyman.”
“That does it, I’m opening the borders. I’m sick of these foreigners thinking they can put me out of a job by staying in their own countries. The nerve.”