The NSW government has today revealed a wide ranging plan to keep the numbers of travellers on public transport low until a vaccine is developed for COVID-19, with the state reportedly planning to keep running their public transport the exact same way they always would to discourage passengers.

“Today we will be reducing the number of trains from our scheduled number to half, and also trains will no longer arrive at time-tabled intervals,” explained the transport minister. “Further, many of the train carriages will not be operational, and everyone will be required to leave a 1 person gap on the 3 seat side, in other words it will be business as usual.”

The government have also revealed that they will be making many platforms completely inaccessible for those in wheelchairs and on crutches, while others still will have no shelter from the sun or rain to ensure the least pleasant experience for anyone hoping to use the network. Stations will also feature confusing signage such as the signs at city stations that feature the names of other stops in large white letters, with the words “next stop” printed in small text above.

Asked what the average citizen can do to reduce the numbers riding public transport, the government said there are many little contributions people can make. “We ask that all Sydney siders from the Northern Suburbs continue the trend of driving a car everywhere even while public transport options are available. And if you do have to catch public transport, please make sure you are playing music from your phone without headphones while eating pungent takeaway food and having a shouted conversation with four friends, especially if it’s a silent carriage. Or better yet, simply ride the train while visibly ill, and why not cough and sneeze without covering your mouth just to really send the message home.”

“By doing these little things, you can help keep public transport the least favoured option for everyone across NSW.”