The NSW government has today issued the largest crackdown on potential superspreader events yet, declaring that all residents are now limited to 5 BBQ store visits a day, and 5 hours in a Bunnings or Gucci store.
“We are calling on all residents to use common sense and only go out for the most essential items, like Gucci Handbags or a couch from Fantastic Furniture,” explained the Premier. “Do not, under any circumstance meet up with friends, unless you are both walking, in which case you are immune to spreading Covid. I can’t be any more clear on this.”
Asked whether it might have been easier if the government had just closed everything five weeks ago, instead of constantly making small adjustments over the next 8 months, the Premier said such suggestions are ridiculous. “We have absolutely no evidence that hard lockdowns are the solution to a virus with a high R rate which spreads with fleeting contact and which has evidence of outdoor transmission while we’re in the middle of winter,” explained Ms Berejiklian. “Other than the experiences of the state right next to us, India, England, Indonesia, and a bunch of other countries which got Delta before us, there’s simply no way to tell how this will play out.”
“Anyway, I’ve gotta go – I need to go buy some essential vinyl at JB Hifi.”