The entire nation of Australia has issued a collective sigh of relief today, following reports that the Liberal party chose to elect a heartless bureaucrat as leader today, over previous favourite, the embodiment of evil itself.
Stating that “normally the news that Scott Morrison had just ousted a sitting Prime Minister would have been terrible news” witnesses have conceded that they are actually relieved if anything, “given how much worse this whole thing could have panned out.”
“I mean, there was Dutton, and god help us if he ever got up,” said one relieved witness on the street this afternoon. “But then I was also hearing rumours that Abbott might have been running again too, and God knows what he’d do if he got the job again, probably repeal gay marriage and knight Donald Trump.”
OUR LATEST LIVE SHOW - BOOK NOW: