Matt Canavan to end subsidies for farmers after learning photosynthesis is renewable

Coal lobbyist and part time Senator Matt Canavan has today moved a motion in the senate to end all plant life, after learning that they run on solar power.

“These selfish, communist plants are taking jobs out of hard working coal mining communities,” said Mr Canavan. “What’s more they’re threatening the food supply by attempting to survive on unpredictable ‘sunlight’ food sources which are only available 12 hours a day.”

Mr Canavan has proposed as a stopgap, that a small natural-gas power plant be attached to every flower and tree, in order to ensure they still can photosynthesise at night time. “Sure they might have ‘bulbs’ to store the energy under the dirt, but what if those bulbs fail? How will we feed the country if this untested and unsustainable ‘solar’ power source disappears tomorrow. I bet none of you have even considered the economic impact if the sun went out tomorrow, destroying all plant life, have you? Typical short sighted greenies, always putting power sources over the health of our natural environment.”


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