Local woman unsure how she managed to kill plant that needs no water

Local woman Joan Smith has been left perplexed today, after realising that her plant which doesn’t need water is not, “meant to look like that”, but is in-fact somehow very dead.

Joan, who previously managed to kill 4 pot plants, 2 bonsai trees, and an entire kitchen counter herb garden, said that she wanted to use the zero-maintenance plant to prove to herself and the world that she is somehow ready for a pet.

“How did I fuck this up?” cried Joan, unintentionally salting another potplant in the process. “What did this plant even need? I put it near-ish a window and everything!”

“You know what, it’s probably just the air conditioning or something. Next time I will just try to look after a fake plant and really try to prove myself this time.”

Update: Joan’s fake plant has lost its structure and the leaves have somehow gone brown. Meanwhile the three weeds in her driveway are thriving despite repeated bouts of weed-killer.


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