Local woman Joan Smith has been left perplexed today, after realising that her plant which doesn’t need water is not, “meant to look like that”, but is in-fact somehow very dead.

Joan, who previously managed to kill 4 pot plants, 2 bonsai trees, and an entire kitchen counter herb garden, said that she wanted to use the zero-maintenance plant to prove to herself and the world that she is somehow ready for a pet.

“How did I fuck this up?” cried Joan, unintentionally salting another potplant in the process. “What did this plant even need? I put it near-ish a window and everything!”

“You know what, it’s probably just the air conditioning or something. Next time I will just try to look after a fake plant and really try to prove myself this time.”

Update: Joan’s fake plant has lost its structure and the leaves have somehow gone brown. Meanwhile the three weeds in her driveway are thriving despite repeated bouts of weed-killer.