Local primary school students have today received an important education in safety, by being encouraged to enter a mysterious dark van that has been parked at the school entrance since last night.

Running through such important topics as stranger danger, the van’s resident, a talking giraffe who gives children candy, explained that you should never trust strangers in vans giving out candy, then moving onto a discussion about the dangers of drugs, before treating the kids to a psychedelic light display on the ceiling.

Other topics of discussion included a seminar on the importance of not staring at screens all day, presented via a helpful pre-recorded video played on the TV, and a discussion about the importance of caring for your body, before the lesson was paused due to the 30 year old puppet’s eye falling out.