Govt suffers new vaccine setback after accidentally towing shipment to Nauru

The Australian Government has once again shown its tough-on-borders approach today, after towing back a dangerous looking ship full of drugs and needles. “I’m pleased to announce not a single item from that ship made it on shore,” announced Immigration Monster Peter Dutton today. “Yep, no a single one of those small vials were deliv… oh no. OH NO. QUICK SOMEBODY GO GET THAT BOAT BACK!”

The tow back is just the latest in a string of ship turnarounds by the government that is keen to show the world just how willing it is to detain children on an island. “I can’t really remember why we started doing this, but I’m sure it was important,” said one government employee. “In any case we wouldn’t want to lose face and look compassionate towards a child. Best we just keep this up indefinitely.”

The government has celebrated the latest boat turnaround as vindication of their successful tow-back scheme. “Just like hotel quarantine, this programme is 99% successful,” explained Dutton today. “And even more like our hotel quarantine system, the 1 in 100 boats that did slip through was the one with all the Covid cases on it. But at least those people were white.”


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