The Turnbull government has today made moves to address growing discontent within the Australian technology and business sectors, over the un-suitability of the nation’s internet infrastructure at accomplishing even rudimentary tasks. Stating that they have heard the nation’s complaints, the Government announced that effective immediately they would be releasing a further twenty thousand dollars of funds to sure up the rapidly failing NBN, a move that would see the network updated with a slightly different typeface and a new spinning, circular logo that better reflects the ambitions of the new copper NBN.
“The new logo is simple, and it’s stripped back to it’s bare essentials just like the NBN,” said the logo’s designer Sven Vill-Itlüd. “What’s more it’s an image that just screams ‘Australian internet’. The concentric diminishing circles also perfectly represent the returns you’ll get from the new NBN network after it is switched on in your area. And it only cost Australia twenty thousand dollars, plus a few billion in rollout fees. What a deal!”
Speaking to the press from his office via a teleconferencing unit, the Prime Minister said the changes would make Australia’s internet the envy of the third world. “See we don- eed -abors wast-ul fi-er -o t- p-mis internet,” said Turnbull. “I thi- we ca- a- ag-e a- df- rw- dsf-.”
Switching off the teleconferencing unit, a spokesman for the Prime Minister denied the extra twenty-thousand dollars in funding was merely a shallow attempt to rebrand the company following an unprecedented series setbacks since the Prime Minister implemented his copper network, which was initially promised to service the nation’s communication needs all the way into the 1920s. “The NBN is still very much on track to be rolled out by twenty fifteen.” said the spokesman, “Any claims to say we won’t be finished by twenty eighteen are entirely baseless. In fact I wouldn’t even be surprised if we finish early, like in twenty twenty or thirty. But yes, in any case I can absolutely guarantee this country will have it’s state of the art copper network rolled out by twenty fifty. You can count on that.”
“And don’t listen to allegations from some negative ABC types that claim that other countries have better internet at much lower prices,” he continued. “I guarantee our internet is the envy of the world. I’ve had many overseas companies contact me with interest in buying the technology we use, in fact museums as far as Brussels to New York all want a piece of our internet!”
The final design of the new NBN logo was not available for release at the time of publication, as the 2mb image attachment on the press release was still only 10% uploaded.