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Government successfully slow down Covid by giving it a job at AusPost

The Australian government has today launched its most ambitious plan to stop the spread of Covid yet, with the government offering the virus a job as an AusPost delivery driver in order to slow down its spread.

The move has instantly seen infection rates drop, with a backlog of thousands of prospective infections now finding their delivery pushed back weeks, with many recipients cancelling their Covid delivery entirely out of frustration.

“You’ve got to be joking,” said one exacerbated man after finding Covid had left a yellow card on the driveway saying it had been there earlier. “It didn’t even come up to my door! I’ve been stuck at home all day so it’s not like I could have missed the doorbell.”

“It says if I want Covid now I’m going to have to go all the way to the post office!” he continued reading. “Forget that, they close at 5. How am I supposed to do that during work hours? I think I’ll just cancel the whole thing, I was never that set on getting Covid anyway.”




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