Omnipotent Creator of Everything and occasional fishmonger God has today admitted he may have been a tad too subtle in conveying the commandment to “love thy neighbour.” As Neo-Nazis start advocating for the elimination of LGBT people under the name of Christianity, the Almighty has admitted he might have overestimated humanity’s capacity to comprehend basic biblical teachings, such as loving your neighbour, or not publicly advocating for genocide.
Speaking to reporters during his latest press briefing on the mound, God expressed disappointment in the current state of affairs. “Honestly, how much more clear could I fudging be!?” boomed good. “I literally spelled it out for you in black and white!”
“Maybe I should have just skipped the whole Old Testament and replaced it with a full-page disclaimer: ‘Warning: Failure to love thy neighbour may lead to consequences,'” God mused.
In an effort to further emphasize the importance of His message, God is also considering updating the Ten Commandments to include a more explicit directive. “How about ‘Thou shalt not be a colossal douchebag’? Is that direct enough for you mortals?” God questioned. “Also, how about one where any gathering in my name doesn’t involve trying to punch on.”
“I’m not even going to touch on the fact that you all have buzzcuts.” sighed God. “It’s not like I specifically said in the Bible you can’t trim your sideburns. God forbid you actually read the book.”