Bunnings spokesman Scott Morrison has today spoken out against a “culture of cruel indifference” in the Australian Defence Force follow 32 fresh allegations of war crimes, with the Prime Minister stating that it was completely unacceptable behaviour for Dan Andrews to not have done something about this. “The fact is the buck stops with him,” said Morrison while booking his upcoming beach vacation. “How he continues to attract the support of his party after this, the bushfires, and the Robodebt scandal I’ll never know.”

“I really can’t believe how lazy this guy is,” continued Morrison while downing beers in a Victorian pub. “Claiming he can’t fix the deeply rooted issues within the ADF because he’s ‘just the Premier of Victoria’. It’s called multi-tasking Dan. In fact I’m so good at it I can even vacation and be Prime Minister during a natural disaster, both at the same time. I’ve never seen Dan do that. Lazy sod.”