Coalition assures nation there are “more than enough vaccines” to cover marginal electorates

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has today assured the public that Australia is well prepared to deal with any outbreaks of the coronavirus, with stockpiles of vaccines already being rushed out to various marginal electorates.

However, residents of non-contested Labour seats have questioned the government’s plan, stating that they would also like some vaccines. The government has shot back at this request, stating that every electorate that has received stockpiles was eligible, and the fact that they appeared on a colour coded spreadsheet labeled “electorates that we want to keep alive” is just a coincidence.

“The fact is that these particular electorates were judged as more in need of votes, I mean medicine, shit can we start again? What do you mean we’re live!?” said Morrison via a live cross from Hawaii. “God damn, okay get me a list of everyone whose watching and make sure none of them get the vaccines.”

UPDATE: Following an outcry from the public, the government has committed an extra $1 billion for vaccines which will be managed by a mysterious company operating out of a beach shack in the Cayman Islands.


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