Cashless landlord card introduced to ensure responsible spending of other people’s money

The Albanese government will move to introduce a cashless landlord card this week, to ensure people who need several peoples’ wages to survive are more responsible with their spending.

“It made sense in the end”, said the Prime Minister today. “We obviously couldn’t do anything to make renters’ lives easier without upsetting the home owners, BUT we can make landlords’ lives worse and that’s something everyone can agree on.”

The decision comes on the heels of the Greens’ proposal to freeze rent in place for two years, as rising costs of living putting increasing financial strain on anyone without generational wealth.

“It’s just not sustainable for us to be so tangibly helpful to working class Australians,” explained millionaire treasurer Jim Chalmers. “It’s much better for us to spend a couple hundred million rolling this out rather than just provide relief to renters.”

The card will prevent up to 80% of the income being used on unsustainable mortgages, negative gearing, and paying bail for drunk and disorderly conduct.

The decision has been slammed by the opposition, with questions immediately raised such as how many cards per person, and would there be any exceptions for sitting MPs.

“It’s absolutely ridiculous!” thundered Alan Tudge from one of his properties in Wantirna south. “It’s fundamentally an abuse of rights! Who are they to say how I spend the money that my tenants worked hard for?!”


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