Former Deputy Prime Minister and dedicated families man Barnaby Joyce has drunkley stumbled forward this afternoon to reveal that he also took up home affairs in secret.

The speech, which Barnaby gave during parliament, left many stunned in disbelief as he managed to stay awake and keep it in his pants during the entire length of the address.

“Alright, you caught me,” Joyce said while facing a wall. “I also appointed myself into some home affairs, and workplace affairs, and prayer room affairs, and in the toilet on the party bus affairs. Basically I swore myself into a lot of places. And got kicked out of plenty for swearing too.”

In response, people around the nation called for his resignation, slightly more than they do every other day, with one pundit saying, “he really needs to go. Also he really needs to pull out a dictionary and look up what ‘secret’ means.”