A local bank has today rejected a family’s mortgage application, stating that it is simply inconceivable that the couple, who have been paying $1200 in monthly rent for the last 15 years, could keep up payments on a $1200 a month mortgage.
“It’s just not possible to service those two costs at the same time,” explained a bank spokesman today. “Now if there were some kind of magic way that this family no longer had to pay that huge amount in rent per month, well then maybe I’d be more lenient. But unless they purchase a house or something I’m afraid that will never be possible.”
Asked how exactly people are supposed to then save for a house given that rents are exploding, house prices have skyrocketed, and wages have remained stagnant for years, a representative for the Commonwealth bank said it was simple. “All you need to do is get a job where you get paid huge amounts of money even though you can’t do basic math, like say some kind of banking job, and you’ll be a millionaire in no time. It’ll be even easier if you rip off a few grandmas and deceased estates along the way.”
“And if you can’t do that well then I’m afraid you should have been smarter and bought housing 20 years ago when it was cheap. What do you mean you were only 10? God any excuse from you lazy millennials. Next you’ll be telling me you also weren’t smart enough to be handed a job and $5 million by your parents. It’s like you don’t even want to own a house!”
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