The Australian government has today revealed plans to phase out coins from circulation, after it was revealed that it is no longer possible to find an item on sale that costs less than $5 anyway.

“The fact is with even a coffee costing upwards of $5 we have to admit that coins are a bit redundant,” announced Prime Minister Anthony Albanese today. “Especially the 5c coin, which these days is about as useful as an indicator on a BMW.”

However, some members of the public have hit back at the plan, asking how they would now convert their vast crypto holdings into real cash without 5c coins.

The NSW government has reportedly already acted to pull all coinage out of circulation, with a government minister explaining all the money would be given to John Barilaro to dispose of.

With thanks to fan Scott McKay for his contribution to this piece