The Australian Census Bureau would like to thank the public of Australia for participating in the 2021 census, here’s some of the most interesting things we learned this year:

• There are now 25 million more Australians since the last census in 2016, when the results showed there were only 6
• 0 Bondi residents were in their home last night
• 124% of Australians report not understanding how percentages work
• 0% of Australians are excited for the Hey Hey It’s Saturday reboot
• 50,000 couples reported breaking up over the stress of defining their relationship on the census form
• 1 Sydney man reported spending the night on a Newcastle beach
• 38,000 Australians mysteriously reported they were overseas on census night
• 500,000 women report recently having moved to Byron in the hopes of landing a date with Zac Efron
• 69% of Australians report being immature
• 98% of Australians report wanting milk that just tastes like real milk
• and 100% are now aware that they are breathing {ALT: are now aware that their tongue is never relaxed?} and hate us for pointing this out.

For more statistics visit census.gov.au – not all at once though, we wouldn’t want the website to crash.