An exclusive breakdown of the Census results

The Australian Census Bureau would like to thank the public of Australia for participating in the 2021 census, here’s some of the most interesting things we learned this year:

  • There are now 25 million more Australians since the last census in 2016, when the results showed there were only 6
  • 0 Bondi residents were in their home last night
  • 124% of Australians report not understanding how percentages work
  • 0% of Australians are excited for the Hey Hey It’s Saturday reboot
  • 50,000 couples reported breaking up over the stress of defining their relationship on the census form
  • 1 Sydney man reported spending the night on a Newcastle beach
  • 38,000 Australians mysteriously reported they were overseas on census night
  • 500,000 women report recently having moved to Byron in the hopes of landing a date with Zac Efron
  • 69% of Australians report being immature
  • 98% of Australians report wanting milk that just tastes like real milk
  • and 100% are now aware that they are breathing {ALT: are now aware that their tongue is never relaxed?} and hate us for pointing this out.

For more statistics visit census.gov.au – not all at once though, we wouldn’t want the website to crash.


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