Workers across Australia have today decided to just brave the coronavirus and head into work, after declaring it couldn’t be worse than spending the next two months relying on the absolutely awful National Broadband Network.
“It’s just t—-” said one local man trying to work from home. “I c– e-e-n h-a-r w—a-t p–p–e a-r- s–y-ng.”
Asked why the network experienced such frequent dropouts, NBN head Bill Morrow says that it simply wasn’t designed for people to use it for more than the occasional email. “The fact is the NBN was never designed to deal with this amount of use,” explained Mr Morrow. “Our original modelling had predicted maybe three, at most five people using the country’s internet at any given time – we never imagined for a second that everyone would be wanting to use it at once.”
However, the man responsible for the calamity, Malcolm Turnbull, says you simply need to give the network a fighting chance to warm up in the morning. “Any claims that the NBN was intentionally hobbled to make Labor look bad are nonsense,” said Turnbull via Skype from one of his many mansions, “the NBN is perfectly fine, in fact there’s never been a better time to work from [connection lost]