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Unprompted, JK Rowling announces Dumbledore isn’t trans

Creator and destroyer of the Harry Potter series Joanne Kongaline “JK” Rowling has today shocked fans by revealing that Dumbledore isn’t trans, despite nobody even remotely suspecting that he was.

“I just wanted to be clear,” said Joanne to confused fans at a convention Q&A before any questions had even been asked. “Although some of you may not have been aware, there are many subtle clues throughout the novels that Dumbledore is cisgendered. Dumbledore was definitely born with a penis, just in case any of you 10 year olds wanted to know.”

The clarification comes in the wake of widespread criticism directed at the children’s author, after she defended a woman who was sacked for lobbying against transgender legislation. “I just don’t think enough airtime has been given to the views of people who hate the transgender community,” explained Rowling. “You know we’ve only had about two hundred years where trans people were openly and widely mocked in every facet of the media, and I feel this new movement of ‘society being mildly tolerant of trans people’ has gone on long enough.”

“As someone who was born a woman, I don’t think a transgendered person can ever understand for a second how hard my life as a cis-woman is, and the struggles that I face. I mean, did you know many billionaires social clubs still only have mens bathrooms? And did you know I only make 75% of what male billionaires make from their investments in coal and oil? The silence of the trans community on these topics speaks volumes about their lack of understanding of the struggles women like me go through.”

However, fans have questioned the logic of the author that wrote books about a world where there are flying cars that talk. “Is Rowling seriously telling us that she doesn’t believe that people can change the gender on their birth certificate, but that a person can transform into a rat by drinking some juice with a hair in it? Come on, this is even less believable than the time she claimed that someone with red hair would have two friends. I mean, who is she trying to fool.”


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