Federal Minister and part time root vegetable Peter Dutton is today frantically searching for a new house to live in, after opinion polls in the Electorate of Dickson revealed most voters would like Dutton better if he lived in a different electorate.
The shock poll comes in the wake of attempts by Dutton to smear the image of his rival candidate by pointing out that she doesn’t live in the electorate due to her specific housing requirements that come from injuries she attained by pushing a pram out of the way of an oncoming car, something voters apparently were unconcerned about.
“I don’t understand why people don’t hold that against her,” asked Dutton this evening while repeatedly kicking a nearby puppy for no reason. “I really though making fun of a crippled person was going to be a surefire vote winner.”
Asked why they would be more likely to vote for someone if they lived outside their electorate, local voter Emily Worth said that she thinks people were misinterpreting the poll. “It’s not that I’d vote for Dutton if he moved elsewhere. God no, the guy is a monster. No, when they asked what would make me like Dutton better, I just meant I’d prefer if he was at least 10km away from me at all times. In fact I think the only reason anyone here votes for him is because it at least means he’ll be in Canberra for six months of the year.”