Australians prepping for end times have continued their rampage this week, emptying Woolworths of pasta, Coles of toilet paper, and ALDI of discount 1m squares of astroturf.

“Quick I’ve got to get to the hobby drone-disco ball section before they all sell out!” one frantic ALDI shopper was heard screaming. “Aiden, put down those night vision goggles, we’ve already got three pairs at home.”

The sudden increase in demand has left ALDI scrabbling to find new, weirder, products to fill their discount bins, with the chain being forced to stock their shelves with pet food and house cleaning supplies until more inflatable bath mats can be sourced from the manufacturer. “We’ve never seen anything like this,” explained one surprised staffer. “The only products that haven’t sold out are these pallets of disinfectant and this DIY build-your-own bunker. We thought they were wacky when we ordered them, but now that they seem like practical products none of our customers want to buy them.”