General News
NBN boss blames slow speeds on everyone refreshing their browser to check who’s Prime Minister

The head of NBN Co Bill Morrow has today issued a public statement begging Australians to stop refreshing their news feeds every five seconds to check who the Prime Minister is, stating that the national internet network was facing “unprecedented strain” from the influx of traffic.

“The fact is the NBN was never designed to deal with this amount of use.” said Mr Morrow “Our original modelling had predicted maybe three, at most five people using the country’s internet at any given time – we never imagined for a second that everyone would be wanting to use it at once.”

Speaking with ABC news via Skype this afternoon, Morrow also sought to play down claims that the NBN had been hobbled by the Liberal Party’s shortsighted attempts to cut costs. “Fibre to the node is a p— erfect ly acce— pt -a -ble alt– er– wait— he– lo? Oh– sh– it– I thin –k I’ve lo– st the co– ne– ction.”

In the wake of today’s dropouts, NBN Co has released a helpful infographic on ways that the average Australian can help cut down on the amount of internet they use. Suggesting methods like “only watching the first episode of every Netflix series” and “not simultaneously opening twenty tabs on your browser”, the company also suggested that internet speeds would drastically increase if all teenage boys were barred from the internet between the hours of 7 and 10 pm. A spokesperson said the infographic will be available for all Australians on the NBN website, “as soon as it’s finished uploading.”

The minister for communication was unavailable for comment at the time of publication due to a prior commitment to sit at his computer constantly refreshing to check who the PM is.


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