General News
Local man bagging own groceries like there’s a gun to his head

A local shopper has today frantically rushed to get all his groceries scanned and into his bag, despite there being absolutely no reason to do so. “Yea I don’t care, it’s not like we’re paying him,” said one assistant floating nearby. “If he wanted to take three hours to scan everything that’s no skin off my nose.”

Onlookers described the scene as “like a bank robbery scene in a movie” with the man seeming visibly uncomfortable and nervously shaking while doing the simple task of just putting something in a bag.

Angus, who suffers from anxiety, has been a frequent user of self-serve checkouts due to their convenience and lack of interaction with other people.

“I thought self-serve checkouts would be less stressful for me,” he said frantically throwing eggs into his bag. “But the person behind me in line has gotten too close and now I’m just frantically scanning everything as potatoes to try and get out of here.’

“Cool right. It’s in the bag,” Angus was overheard whispering to himself. “No wait, what do you mean unexpected item? Please, it’s all in the bag, why are you doing this!?”

Share this story: