Following the events of 2022, local 6 year old Sally has gone to bed excited knowing that she is only 3 disasters away from Christmas morning. “It’s going to be magical,” sighed Sally, “assuming I live to see it.”

The news that Christmas is only 3 disasters away comes after the world decided to get all the years disasters out of the way at once, with Omicron, the Omicron BA-2 variant, a volcano eruption, a tsunami, flooding, earthquakes, war, Betty White’s passing, the threat of a nuclear apocalypse, the Queen getting covid, Scott Morrison offering Sally a forklift license, and U2 announcing they’ll start touring again all causing untold devastation between January and March.

However, Sally’s discovery has left her mother worried by the thoughts of three more disasters this year. “What if it’s something truely horrible? Like, what if a meteor just hits Australia wiping out all life? Or there is a full scale alien invasion? Or even worse, Peter Dutton leaking his nudes.”

However, experts have already put a damper on things, stating that Sally is wildly optimistic if she thinks there will only be three more disasters this year. “What is this kid some kind of an idiot?” asked the head of UNESCO today. “Geeze, she must be really, really stupid. Just a complete imbecile. Sorry, what do you mean she’s on speakerphone right now? That’s embarrasing. Now as I was saying, that kid must be the stupidest little moron that ever walked the earth.”