Living through an event that will be remembered for the rest of time is tedious, everyone agrees. The Covid-19 pandemic will shape the remainder of human existence, but despite its importance it is still really fucking boring.
“No one ever talks about the Spanish Flu being dull, but it must have been,” said bus driver Alan Bhattacharyya. “Behind every picture of a mass grave there must be heaps of pictures of people just sitting around not being able to go to the seaside or whatever.”
“When they put this shit in the history books it’ll all be about scientists rushing to find a cure. Nobody’s going to read about me watching The Sopranos again because the pubs are closed.”
Experts agree that enormous historical events can also be arse-blisteringly monotonous. Historian Dr Ian Plugg confirmed it, saying “For every beheading in the French Revolution there were ten thousand people just sitting around waiting for the road to clear so they could go to work.
“Don’t tell anyone, though. I could lose my job for this.”