With a vaccine still at least a year away some people have turned to a kitchen cupboard remedy – with startlingly consistent results. Martin Trott confirmed yesterday that injecting bleach cured him of coronavirus by immediately killing him.

Health authorities, brands and some politicians have warned the public not to ingest cleaning chemicals as a cure for coronavirus, or for any other fucking reason. 

Mr Trott ghostly soul said that after shooting up a fat syringe of the stuff they use to clean hospital floors he was struck completely dead, effectively ridding himself of coronavirus and providing him with immunity. “I can now say for 100% certain that I won’t die of coronavirus,” the dead man said.

“Shooting up bleach not only cured me of coronavirus, but also healed my persistent diarrhoea. For some reason I still have asthma, though.”

The former man said “People laughed when I said I would give it a go, but who’s laughing now? Not my wife or my kids.”