“It was like we were back at Aunty Helen’s place, except everybody had vacuum cleaners for arms, and I was being chased by some sort of rollerblading bear- wait, are you listening to me?”
So began another early morning conversation for local man Steve Allan, as his wife Vanessa tried to explain the intricate and deeply nonsensical dream she had just woken from.
“Oh, yeah I am definitely listening to you,” yawned Steve as he secretly checked his Instagram and Whatsapp notifications on the smart phone hidden under his pillow.
“Aunty Helen attacked by a bear with a vacuum cleaner. Incredible.”
“That’s not what I said at all!” responded Vanessa. “And turn that fucking phone off. Sometimes I swear you’re married to it, not me!”
“Baby that’s entirely not true,” said Steve as he continued to look at the phone while placing it on the bedside table, before finally fixing this eyes on Vanessa.
“It’s just that every morning you regale me with your faint recollections of these bizarre dreams and I am just struggling to come up with any meaningful response to them.”
Vanessa sighed heavily and turned away from Steve.
“Hey, please don’t be like that. Anyway, me and the fellas have come up with another business idea in our Whatsapp chat. Bitcoin vending machines. What do you reckon?”
The Anti-Expert’s Guide to Everything – 2020 National Tour
Tickets ON SALE NOW