General News
Government ban gatherings over 500 people, weekend’s NRL games unaffected

Attendees at this weekends NRL games have been declared exempt from public gathering bans, with all 4 attendees able to self-isolate by taking a quarter of the stadium for themselves.

The announcement is great news for Prime Minister Scott Morrison, who had pledged only yesterday that he would still be attending this weekends match, no matter how much doctors begged that he stop browsing cheap plane flights to Hawaii and actually listen to what they were advising him.

“Yea look, every time we mention that maybe we should stop people getting together he starts telling us that the cricketers are on top of it. I have no idea what that means, but it appears his entire strategy for beating this thing is to gather everyone at the SCG on a weekly basis, which I cannot stress enough, is even worse than his initial plan to shake everyone’s hands.”


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