Donald Trump has today declared himself the winner of The Biggest Loser 2020, despite the series not having yet aired, after the President was recruited by TV executives for the upcoming season.

“Yes, we realise he’s a bit of an unconventional pick, but we couldn’t not have him in the show,” explained the producers, “we’ve never seen a loser this big before, he’s like the rain man of losers.”

Asked how they see Donald doing during the competition, the show’s creators said they thought it would be unlikely he would lose any weight. “We did a test run last week and he actually gained 10 kilos, then accused the scales of bias – all while he was eating a bucket of KFC. But we can always fix it in post – everyone knows reality TV isn’t real, take the apprentice for example, remember how they somehow convinced everyone that the host was a successful business man when he was a multi-bankrupt conman who was in debt up to his eyeballs. I wonder what ever happened to that guy?”